My personal anthem: Alive from Sia #music365 #day44

I don’t know how I missed this song in the one year since its release but it’s only today that I can listen to it from  a place that’s entirely mine.  

For me, Alive is the triumph of overcoming the unlucky circumstances one’s life. Which is why I’m happy I only listened to this song today.

I never wanted this blog to be an impersonal space so let me share a deeply personal story here I’ve never talked about anywhere. Last year I wouldn’t have felt the wonder that I’m still alive simply because I hadn’t planned on staying around for long. I’d survived rape, betrayal, abuse, cheating but they all took a part of me and I wasn’t whole or healthy any more. I didn’t feel like I could take any more and I was planning to end it all. I had it all worked out but then fate intervened. It sent me to Spain, put me in beautiful places, into situations where I could be of use and slowly it started to heal me cell by cell. The rebuild wasn’t painfree and for a long time I hadn’t realised what was happening until about a couple weeks ago when I started to feel peace, love, strength – emotions I thought I’d never feel since I hadn’t even remembered what they were like.

So when I heard the lines “I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go (…) But I survived”, my tears were of gratitude and pride. It’s true that “I found solace in the strangest place, way in the back of my mind,” and it wasn’t easy. All my life I rarely felt this but finally I fought my way into a place where I’m truly happy I’m alive.

And this connection is the magic of music. These words are too weak to express what it means to survive despite the tragedies, the lack of unconditional love but this song from Sia, Adele and Tobias Jesso Jr show it all.

Lyrics for Alive from Sia

I was born in a thunder storm, I grew up overnight
I played alone, I played on my own
I survived

I wanted everything I never had, like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived

I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change and nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope just lies, and you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived

CHORUS
I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

I found solace in the strangest place, way in the back of my mind
I saw my life in a stranger’s face, and it was mine

I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change and nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope just lies, and you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived

CHORUS
I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

You took it all, but I’m still breathing (X8)

I have made every single mistake that you could ever possibly make
I took and I took and I took what you gave, but you never noticed that I was in pain
I knew what I wanted, I went out and got it
I did all the things that you said that I wouldn’t
I told you that I would never be forgotten, and all in spite of you

CHORUS
I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

Lyrics from siamusic.net

BTW, what is #music365?

Good question! #music365 is my year-long challenge to find and share one new song every day. I sometimes skip a day but always catch up! Listen to all the songs on Soundcloud, Spotify or YouTube and tell me your favourite. I don’t think it’s easy to choose one!

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About Miss Andi

Learning to be unapologetically me but healthier. Shamelessly personifying my dog, Mia, who is my soulmate, though doesn't let me read as much as I used to. One day I'll finish a novel that will not save the world - but might make it smile.

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